Sherman’s Camping Trip

You know how I like food and cat supplies.

Let me tell you about my second camping trip. Here I am, Sherman, the most daring cat in all of Chicago. Daring and adventurous in my own home that is! Then something happened. He left me stranded outside. He didn’t even see me go outside when he brought the groceries in from the car. And I was only checking to see what food and cat supplies he had brought home for me.

Normally he picks me right up and scoots me inside when I do that. Would you believe that he left me there, all alone in the darkening evening? Wow, it was scary!

Suddenly I wasn’t so daring. You’d think that he would have heard me scream, like scared cats scream, but no, he didn’t even peek outside! He, who said that he loved me, didn’t miss me, and didn’t even realize how petrified I was.

Well, let me not digress any further. I did what any self-respecting cat would do, I ran to find a safe place, I ran from bush to bush and crawled low to the ground in open stretches. Anyway, I digress! I got caught on the wrong side of the door. I was mortified. And confused. It was fairly nice outside, and besides, I had my fur coat on. So, I figured what the heck, I’ll stay out and play I can always get cat supplies, later.

I might even make some new friends to replace that dork of a Nikki back home. She definitely is the weak link in the family, or is it just that I get a kick out of intimidating her? Anyway, I still digress. I do a lot of that.

So, I explored the neighborhood, one house at a time. All of a sudden, it was dark out, and I didn’t know where I was. I don’t get out much, you know.

Then of all insults, I watched from the bushes and there were mommy and daddy. They got in the car and drove off. I don’t even think they missed me! I looked in the house and there was Nikki, enjoying her freedom, and not missing me in the least and she was enjoying all those cat supplies. What a family!

Anyhow, pretty soon mommy and daddy drove up. They had turkey on their breath, so they must have gone to their friends’ so they could eat without me. Can you imagine that! Now they missed me. I could tell, because mommy shrieked something awful.

Well, I showed them. I ran. They went outside and looked for me, and I ran. And I ran. And I ran. It got dark. I didn’t know where I was, but I was getting tired and hungry. But then I saw it. A nice lady had put out some food to feed the cats….and the possums….god, they’re ugly, not pretty like me. I don’t know how even their mother could love them. So there the cat supplies are. Down the street. But I digress again. See what I mean?

It got light out. But it didn’t do me any good. I still didn’t know where I was. Then it got dark again and I was still hungry and a bit cold. When it got light, mommy and daddy showed up out side and put up pictures of me on all the light posts and trees. I looked pretty good in those pictures, and felt some pride that here I was, being displayed all over the neighborhood. But I still didn’t know where I was, and the cat supplies necessary to a good life just didn’t seem to be materializing.

I just couldn’t bring myself to come out in the open. I was too scared, but I didn’t show it at all. If only I had a few cat supplies, to keep my mind off this.

I was starting to make friends now with a mother cat and her little ones. Then, now get this! Mommy and daddy drove off again and when they came back, It was just daddy. You know what I think? Daddy was getting rid of us so he could have Nikki to himself.

Mommy was gone for a real long time. And the ground turned white and it got real cold. Now I could really use some of those cat supplies to keep warm with. I found a place to hide and decided to wait it out in comfort.

Mice. They taste good. Birds. They taste good. Coyotes. They’re scary. They eat all the mice too. They like to play a lot. But they’re bigger than me, and scare me. I went back to my hiding place where Coyotes and people can’t find me.

One nite, when the ground was still white, I was out looking for food and cat supplies and walking between houses, when I heard a great big commotion that was enuff to scare anyone, particularly a cat. I heard voices I knew, but I couldn’t place them. The guy next door. Mommy. God, I love her. And daddy saying, “That’s him! That’s him!” I didn’t know what to do. So yup, you guessed it. I ran.

And I ran some more. What else is a guy to do? I went back to my hiding place, which was of course devoid of cat supplies. It seemed like the safest thing to do.

I had made it kind of comfortable, I was out of the wind, but most of all, it was mine, and it was peaceful and quiet.

I missed mommy, but I sure didn’t miss Nikki. I missed not having the comfort of cat supplies, tho.

I don’t know what daddy sees in Nikki, but they seem to get along just fine.

The nights turned into days and days into nights, it seemed endlessly. I only went out when I was so hungry that I couldn’t think straight, about cat supplies and life in general and by now you know that’s not my long suit to start with. Daddy always says that Nikki’s got the brains. I don’t’ know what that means tho. If Nikki’s got the brains, what does that mean I got?

And so, it went day after night after day. Until it happened. There I was, walking along the street, when I ran into her.

Mommy!

It happened so suddenly that I got scared, and ran. But this time she followed me. And then she left.

She must have seen me go into my hiding place, under the deck three houses north of us. ( I know this because I have heard them tell it ad nauseum ever since. )

Then daddy showed up and he actually looked under the deck and I looked back. ( I think he was looking for cat supplies. )

Finally, mommy came back, but she smelled funny. I knew what it was, tho. It was a can of crab meat. One of my favorites. I don’t think I’d ever had any before, but I sure knew that smell.

But do you know what they did to me? When I came out to get that wonderful crab meat after nearly starving to death on mice and stolen cat food, and devoid of cat supplies, daddy grabbed me by the neck. And then I was home, in the house and with Nikki. Yecch. I even had to share some of that crab meat with her! Yecch.

I’d almost forgotten how much I really loved this place and the people, and yes-even Nikki in her strange way. I love mommy and like to cuddle with her. I even find my way toward daddy, when he’s not paying too much attention to that Nikki.

I sleep a lot, the vet has given me a clean bill of health, which I could have told him if he’d only asked instead of poking and pricking. Things are pretty much back to normal now. Maybe they’re even better. I even have my cat supplies back. I’m back in charge, I have even told Nikki that it isn’t a good idea to get caught on the wrong side of the door.

I slept like I’d never slept before, dreaming about cat supplies, of course, and I thought I was an expert on the subject of sleeping.

Anyway, after all those weeks in the wild, I developed some pretty good ideas about what it takes to make my sort comfortable and satisfied.

And it clearly can’t be found under some neighbors’ porch! The cat supplies just weren’t there!

Here are some of my best ideas that I developed while I had plenty of time to think ( I don’t do that well or often, but I had plenty of time to do it when I was under that porch.) Anyway, here I go again, digressing!

Cats were domesticated by all evidence, sometime in Ancient Egypt. Being the independent but entertaining sort we are, we were not domesticated for a particular purpose other than our inherent grace and beauty. Hunting mice came with the territory.

Our principal role in life is to own people that appreciate us, and give us cat supplies as needed. And we’ve been doing that very well for centuries. Oh, yes there was that thing about black cats in the middle ages, but for the most part we’ve fared quite well in our choice of humans.

Sherman, a Maine Coon, was gone from a day before Thanksgiving until the day after Christmas, weathering the coldest weather and only snowstorm we experienced in Chicago that winter. He lost about four pounds, and since he was a bit overweight, this was a good thing. How he escaped fights and animal bites, is beyond us, but it probably can be attributed to his courage level.

Bill, or should I say, daddy?